Chris' BLOG
Saturday, January 2, 2010
I feel so, so stupid.
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Chris
Just another way to escape.
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I wish I could continue Spanish. I wish I was good...
This is the lowest I have ever fallen. To get up, ...
there is too much uncertainty in my life. too many...
detach, let go, accept.What I need to do.the pain ...
You can goYou can start all over againYou can try ...
it's not about being coolit's about being accepted...
the few bright spots last semestercovered by darkn...
screaming insidesilence outside
noI've been in so much pain over the yearsI would ...
I see why people cut themselvesgood thingI'm too m...
I really really want to cry all this pain out of me.
oh yeah.did I mentionI'm hideous lookingevery time...
and I'm tired of the fight. I'm tired of the const...
I look back at my past friendships. How most of th...
what a depressing, depressing life.
I don't fit in anywhere.I never did.
Lower than I've ever been.
I see now. I see all the reasons why.It all makes ...
I didn't want this to be my story.
It's kind of like this: You're trapped in a cage f...
There's so much that I know I don't know.
I have a dream of a life in which I feel alive.
I need a life I can be proud of.
I have nothing to say.
I realized tonight that as soon as I learned how t...
I've always have this dreamy view of life.I don't ...
I have to remove the context.Accept my life as it ...
in a funk I can't get out of.
so much pain.need to go somewhere toreleasewhere c...
I need to let go.The hardest thing I'd ever had to...
I want those moments.
Ryan and Marissa will always be my favorite TV rom...
I can't play any sports well.I can't do anything a...
this is me.never forget.
and the music comes back.everything comes back.squ...
I can't function with this always on my mind.
How do I make the pain stop?
fear killed my dreams.
fear killed my dreams.
I'm a talentless fuck how could I ever feel good a...
How do I get self-esteem?
activity + life.
music allows me to experience that life I've never...
How different would my life be if I didn't feel tr...
I need to make a compromise.
I want to want to call people again.
For the few moments it lasted today, I got to see ...
nothing (good) ever happens in my life.
adding hobbies will not help me now. not at this t...
Is it not possible to accept it? To accept that I ...
function displayMail() { $('#submit ....
I visited the high school today, for a little whil...
the constant pain I feel.
I need to get excited about my career.
identity.
so many people I haven't met.
I read my old high school newspaper. I see all the...
How to move away from the pride thoughts, because ...
nothing, nothing, nothing.
Without confidence or experience, what can I do?
I look to my past for some courage.some proof that...
if I keep peering into my past I'm going to keep s...
I have to realize that I will never have everythin...
after learning all that I've learned, I've discove...
everything I've discovered is the hard truth.
Memories of my struggles with the writing section ...
I feel ugly inside and out.If I had one thing to b...
I wish that every word I said wasn't always met wi...
and I saw the cheerleaders. the football players. ...
I feel so, so stupid.
I hate the doubt I've instilled in my mind. It's a...
It's the connections. The meaning.The hurting neve...
2010.so give me something to believecause I am liv...
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