It's getting worse. I don't see how I can ever be happy again.

I just want to cry. Seriously. Just sit here, and cry. All night. Alone. Away from everyone. I can't be around people anymore, or I don't want to be.. I can't handle it anymore. I hate this. I hate myself. I hate being this failure of a person. And the sad part is... if this was all a cognition distortion... I figure I would have realized it by now. But it's not. And on today, such a beautiful day, I am sitting on my computer right now coming to tears writing this. I just want it to stop. But it won't.

Every day I see how much my life is a complete and utter mess.

I wish I could just have ONE conversation where I don't feel shitty afterwards.

For one day.. I can at least APPEAR semi-smart, semi-interesting, semi-talented, semi-SOMETHING.







For fucks sake.

Time to go out now, RHA banquet. Put on a face. Act like I wasn't just sitting in my room hating everything. Act like everyone's okay, when I really j ust want to scream at the top of my lungs.

just fucking scream.