I can't stand how I can never say what I mean. The majority of the time, the words that come out of my mouth are not what I want to say at all. I express myself as an incoherent idiot most of the times it seems. This is how I feel. I wonder how close this estimation is to that of my peers.



Another Saturday Night of nothing. I need to love myself in order for others to love me. In order for others to care. In order for others to want to see me, for me to significant in their lives. I can't wait to be accepted and then feel good about myself. It doesn't work that way.

Right now, the state I am in, even though I am aware that beating myself up about the past is not the right way to go about things, and that I just need to be active and things will turn around eventually.. its still incredibly difficult to live a life that is so far away from what you want.

I need to get into the right mental state of mind, because like this, I'm not fun to be around. I don't want to be around me. Spring Break attitude needs to come back and I need to make a stronger effort to keep it in place in all situations. I may be an idiot, incompetent, and a socially awkward individual, but thinking about it will not change anything. It never has.