Spanish, something I love, would have continued if I had displayed more skill. It hurts, so so much. Did I make the right decision? It seems like it. Or maybe it was my nature once again, hurting me: Did I think too much about it? Could I have continued? Or was I simply not good enough? Did I make the logically decision that I had to make?
I don't want it to feel like the rest of my life, in which I feel like I've made the wrong decisions over and over again. In which I've felt that I'm too hesitant, too fearful, to push myself and struggle a bit to attain something. Where is the line between pushing yourself to achieve and realizing that something is just not in your reach? I don't know.
I could have went to Spain this summer. I could have traveled. I could have really learned Spanish. I could have lived. But I made a decision that stopped me from doing all that.
I didn't have to skill. I had other minors I was interested in at the time, I wanted a chance at them. I didn't think I was going to be able to travel because of the finances. Things ALWAYS seem to change after I make a decison. Now it seems like I could travel. Now it seems like the Spanish minor was one of the only worthwhile minors to have. I could have made so many friends with it as well.

Things change for me week by week, therefore decisions I make anyways seem bad, because my feelings for things change so often. It's so hard to live this like this, always feeling like you're making mistakes.

I'm tired of the worrying. I'm tired of thinking I messed up my friendships. I'm tired of it - all of it. I'm tired of everything on ice. I'm tired of feeling that if I'm not nice - then people will think less of me - because that's what most people compliment me on.

I'm tired of feeling like everything in my life is in flux. I'm tired of not feeling in control. I'm tired of not being able to be myself. I'm tired of being troubled. I'm tired of second-guessing, I'm tired of it all. Something needs to change - now. Life shouldn't be this way, and I need to do something about it to change it.

There's always something that is going on to worry about. Once one issue is resolved, another pops up in its place. How do I stop this?