If I'm going to get through this, I'm going to need something to hold on to. Something within. Something that will stabilize me. Remove the context. Let me live my life for today and make my past not be the determinant of everything. It's hard when my past mistakes have caused my life to be miserable now and that I made so many of them.
I wish I could start making better decisions now and rebuild my life, but I can't seem to do it.