what set this off? last night.

silence silence silence with my friends. how do I still have them? what do they see? sure I'm nice, but you can get that from other places. its just one quality. and there are few that ask me to hang out, that want to. it shows, one quality makes most people not think of you. I could ask people to hang but I have nothing to say and there's nothing to do. and thats because of me. all me.

okay. so I want to rebuild my life. I want to have a life. that would require effort and ability, I would need to find my "thing", my niche. that means I would have to find success in some area. tell me this. if I don't have the mental capacity to hit a golf ball straight (went miniature golfing) , then how am I suppose to do well at anything else that requires much much much more skill?

you may think, is he insane, doing poor at miniature golfing, coming in last at something so insignificant set this off? well, if you fail at everything and ALWAYS come in last, and ARE pathetic, the worst player out of everyone at SOMETHING ELSE and you are because you can't hit a ball straight and CAN'T conceptualize how a ball would bounce off a wall that EVERYONE else seemed to have no trouble with...well.. then well... you see. when all someone wants its to BE GOOD AT SOMETHING and show SOME SORT OF ABILITY and this happens over and over again... then fuck... you know?