How do I have friends?

I hate this person. I don't want to be me anymore. Summer 2009, fix this? Just getting further into the hole it seems. Sad. =(. Running out of time to turn this around. Another year of misery seems likely. I wish I was more in control.

seriously. I'm falling deeper.

If I just was COMPETENT in something and did not fail at EVERYTHING and had SOME brain power then things may be different. buttttttttttttttttt nope.

failure.

there's nothing about me that's special. I'm just a loser. and all I do is get more and more proof of this.

I don't have a life because I seem incapable of having one.

if you notice.. when I hang out with you, the few that actually want to.. the silence? the lack of conversation? its because of this. because I have nothing to say anymore.