I'm really sorry to everybody that's been around me this past year... I'm sorry that I was always down. many of you probably didn't notice or didn't care if I was.. but I care... I hate the feeling of not being able to offer the best version of myself or at least something close to it on a regular basis. Now its never. 30 mins this week, I felt semi-like myself. 30 mins. I use to be able to get a day. I know I shouldn't hate on who I am - as people have told me they like me for who I am no matter how I act - and I love when people say that - it makes me feel like I didn't burn all the bridges and despite everything there still were a few people that enjoyed me. but that doesn't make me feel any better about the fact that Chris has been stuck inside for so long and wants to be set free. I realize that the reason why my true self went away (on a regular basis) is because it was incomplete. That's really it. I had the personality I wanted but what I did, that whole part of me, was not there, was not defined. That's what I need to focus on. I really need to enact an attitude that will allow me to not be so inflicted by inferiority so I can make some actual progress. I am tired of this life I am leading. and to the people in my life who have sought to understand me and be there for me and want to help, thank you for making this life bearable. Really, if it wasn't for you guys, I'd be even worse than I am now.