Probably one of the hardest parts about being depressed for long is that when you do find yourself in a good mood, a great mood even, the feeling is so unusual. You expect something to send you back down. I can say that for the majority of this week, I have been in a good mood. I'm thinking most of it is due to very little stress from my classes at the moment, but also, maybe, I'm starting to progress towards what I want, a direction in my life. I truly feel that getting involved in community service and volunteering programs on campus will be highly rewarding for me. Also, if I keep a gym workout going and continue to try to expand my knowledge field, hey, maybe I can someday be secure with who I am. Oh yeah, socially, I could be in a much better place. I just want to meet knew people, you know? People are exciting. I have to work on my awkwardness if I want to make any new friends. I don't do it on purpose people!

I haven't been sleeping well, but its been because of my poor choices (such as making phone calls very late into the night). I haven't been sleeping poorly because of uncontrollable anxiety or deep sadness, it's great to feel in control. My weakness is still there, and I still am not secure with it, but you know, times like these make me see what life can be like. It can be happy.

I realize that once I get some consistent security, I can devote my energies to helping out my family, and other people in my life. I mean, really, that's who its all about in the end. I want to stop being all about me in my head, so I can start doing things to improve other people's lives.