There are two types of darkness that reside in my life: The darkness inside of me, and the darkness around me.

The darkness inside of me emanates from the realization of some of the mistakes I've made in my life, seeing my life for what it is, and being very upset with my current life situation, in almost all regards.

The darkness around me is the unknown. I have yet to experience much life, and therefore most things I try to do are talking leaps into the darkness, a difficult task to do. The fact that I have to make most of these leaps alone, raises the difficulty even more.

As I write this, I realized there is a third darkness in my life, that in the minds of those around me. Most people around me don't understand what I am going through and what I feel I need to do in order to reach a more normal ratio of happiness/sadness. I feel like, if people did, a few people who know that what I need most is someone who sits down with me, asks me "What do you think you need to do to fix this?" and then goes along with me, just because they care. I'm not saying complete dedication, just being there with me when I need to do something I see as progressing in the right direction. If there were people in my life who are looking of the same thigns I am: A place to fit in, an identity, meaning, excitement, connections, then that would be even more helpful. We could work together.

I don't think people see that part of feelings of insignificance come from that fact that it seems like I'm not important for anyone to care about as much as I need them to right now. The idea that no one wants to help me on this journey. Very sad, but seemingly true...

But then I think, there have been a few times when people have asked "What can I do?" and I tell them to just listen. Even though I don't believe these people understood my situation, they did ask to help, which I am thankful for. However, this happens only sparingly, and at those times I was not aware of what I needed.

Now I know.